Hello my dear ones,
It is wonderful to be here with you. Grab a cuppa, find a secret place and run away with me for a few minutes.
Whoa! What a week. I hardly know where to begin. It was one of those delightful times when any idealistic version of motherhood is thrown out the window and you are striving with every force inside you not to turn into a monster and sell your children to the nice little old lady with a house made of sweets.
Hubby was away all week and little Miss Cherry pie came down with tonsillitis. Miss teenager number one developed a bad belly bug and teenager number two wasn’t able to go to school all week either. Teenager number three happily left the mad house for school while miss pre teen continued her homeschooling. (Have you lost count yet? I have).
I was recovering from a medical procedure on my head (nothing serious, just a flesh wound), and son number two was also at home all week. Now, I am used to being around a lot of people all the time, but this pushed my ‘nice mummy’ limits to a new level.
When little Miss Cherry pie is sick, she is a very verrrryyy neeeedy patient, bless her heart. Do you have a child like this? Some kids can just lie down and cope and not be a bother when they are sick, but oh my! others can need so much love and attention and sympathy and more attention and more sympathy and cuddles and affirmation and ‘don’t leave me Mummy’ all day! Yikes. When this is multiplied by seven days and counting, nice Mama Bear quickly turns into a grouchy grizzly bear.
“I am 51 years old for goodness sake!!! Why am I STILL going through all this!?”
Don’t judge me. I have never ever regretted having so many kids, but this week my dark thoughts were getting the better of me and it was hard to come up for air.
By about day three I realised I needed to slow down, forget the chores, forget the mess and jobs I wanted to get done this week and sit with my daughter. Her throat was very sore and her tummy felt sick. She just needed me, her mama. She needed comforting and she needed it from me. I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes from a book I read years ago, The Little Prince.
“The night had fallen. I had let my tools drop from my hands. Of what moment now was my hammer, my bolt, or thirst, or death? On one star, one planet, my planet, the Earth, there was a little prince to be comforted. I took him in my arms, and rocked him.”
I’d like to say that I nailed the compassion and comfort, but I actually didn’t. Truth be told I seriously contemplated running away with the circus, until I realised that I didn’t need to walk out the door to join one. My whole life is a circus.
Of course I stayed up way too late each night stealing some precious time alone when my tribe finally all went to sleep. I would sit up in bed wondering what had happened to my life, to me, to the person I was before I had children. Would that girl ever come back?
As human beings, sometimes it’s really hard to be noble and think of others when we would rather have our own needs met. When life squeezes us too tightly, sometimes ugly parts emerge that we would rather keep hidden. This week I could hardly get meals on the table at night. Toast and canned soup fed bellies. Somehow all of the single bed sheets have gone missing and I still can’t find them. Two kids are sleeping without sheets. Oh well, they’ll be fine. Sheets are so overrated.
Well, I didn’t win any Mother of the Year awards this week, but we all made it through. The kids are still alive and I didn’t run away, so that’s good.
Miss Treasure Pops is slowly (ohh soo slooowly) getting better, the weekend is ahead of us and hopefully I can get the kids out into the sunshine and down to the beach. I have a book I am trying to get through so I’m hoping to steal some time to read. I am also working on a red velvet cake recipe, so maybe I can try round two of that tomorrow.
Sitting here now, reflecting on the week that was, I can’t help but think how blessed I am. It has undoubtedly been a tough week in many ways, but family life can be a tough gig sometimes. That’s reality, that’s life. And what a marvellous adventure it is, even on the not so extraordinary days.
Have a great weekend, and hopefully I will see you next week with a delicious red velvet cake recipe.
Love Anna xx